2018 so far? Mediocre at best. It has been a bumpy road from the first day of the year to present time. I’ll give you a short overview but feel free to pry in my personal inbox or phone, and we can always chat about whatever.
Let’s just dive right
in.. I totaled my car, lost my job due to not being able to get to work all of
the time, and am very very broke hahahaha. It has been 3 months of fees,
paperwork, financial stress, and just emotions being absolutely all over the
place. I have felt hopeful one day and absolutely lost the next. Today is a
middle day between those two things. I am writing this post so I can talk about
the good things so that on the next day I feel lost, I can read this and be
reminded of Gods blessings (even when they are different from what I wish He
would give me.) And to ask for prayer over all of my mess, thank you in advance
haha.
·
Borrowed Cars: I have had two absolutely amazing families let me
borrow their cars so I could get to and from work when I was working. Shout-out
to the Clems and the Adamsons – While these last 3 months have been absolutely
hard and terrifying, I am aware they could have been way worse if all of you
had not blessed me this way. A million thank-you’s will never be enough to show
my gratitude.
·
Support System: From my mamma, Micah, and my circle of friends – I
could not have gotten through these last few months without your help and
guidance. Whether it was words of encouragement, prayers, helping me pay my
bills, listening to me cry (I can cry a lot for one human, just ask them),
spending time with me, and anything else, I am deeply moved by your efforts.
Letting people take care of me can be hard when it comes to my pride and
feelings of being unworthy, but you’ve pushed through. Knowing that you all are
down in this trench with me until I get out means everything to me. I love you.
·
Counseling: Shout-out to Lisa!! Thank you for all of the ways you
encourage me and also call me out. Thank you for helping me search for jobs.
Thanks you for sharing scripture, knowledge, and helping me rewire my ways of
thinking. Thank you for the ways you open up my mind. Thank you for exposing me
in ways that feel hard and vulnerable and impossible to change but doing the
hard work with me anyways. I know it’s your job to help me, but every time I
leave your office, I feel like I’ve just had a good cry session with a friend
and I feel refreshed. You are one of the biggest blessings in my life since I’ve
started seeing you and I talk about you more than most people probably talk
about their counselor’s haha. Thanks for following Gods call on your life to be
a helper – I see Him in you every time we talk.
If you
could join me in prayer over these next few things, I would be eternally
grateful.
·
Patience: Something I have always lacked and God is asking me to
use a lot of it right now – Waiting for a job, a car, and to be out of this
storm. I know He doesn’t bring us to the desert to leave us there, but
sometimes it feels impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
·
Giving Up Control: I have a desire for control in every aspect of
my life, and it really, really, REALLY gets in the way of things. But I’m
asking God to have control over me and my future because He and I both know it’s
better in His hands. But that does not mean I don’t struggle with it still and it
is a daily battle I’m trying to hand over to Him.
·
God’s Will: This has to do a lot with the two things above, but
still feel like it deserves it’s individual bullet point. I know Gods will for
my life, His timing, and His blessing are all better than anything I could ever
work to get on my own. I believe this for everyone around me, but it is hard to
grasp for myself. I struggle with believing He wants and desires all of the
good things this life has to offer me because why would a sinner like me ever
be worthy of that? I know the answer to that, but it is still embedded in my
heart and something I discuss a lot in counseling.
I feel like everything
around me is unknown, and unknown is hard for someone like me. I always want to
plan, I’m a destination person for sure. If you’re reading this and feel like
any of it relates, just know that you are
not alone. The process of change and growth is a hard one, but I do believe
that we can get through it. I believe that it is necessary. And in the meantime
of living in the unknown, we can join together and get through the day to day
side by side. Thanks friends. Love and hope to all of you :’)
