"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9
(shoutout to Jeromy Laux for showing me that verse awhile back. It has comforted me immensely as of lately.)
When you're in highschool, you make a lot of plans for your life and what's gonna happen after you graduate. Go to this school, have this job, experience these things, be with these people. And while some of us get to those things and it all happens the way we planned or close to it, some of us experience things a little (or maybe a lot) different than what we thought. As for me, I fell into the second category. I wanted to graduate high school, go to a university I had not yet chosen, become a Young Life leader, fall in love, get A's and B's, have a ton of friends, be comfortable financially, so on and so forth. And a lot of little details in between. What I got was much different....
Graduation came around and it was time to "actually start life". But things went a whole heck of a lot differently than I had ever planned. To save you the long and boring details, it ended up being a year before I would finally start going to college. During this year, my family experienced a divorce, moving to a new home, and having to do things a lot differently and a lot harder. I had to step up to the plate and help take care of my siblings (whom I love with all of my heart and would do absolutely anything for) I got into a car accident without insurance (Ouch, there goes my paycheck for court fees, tickets, a really high insurance payment, and fixing this ladies car) I also acquired a cell phone bill, and some more adult things to pay for I hadn't ever thought about. So now i'm always broke, frustrated, and feel like i'm going nowhere fast.
This last year and half, i've spent a lot of time feeling lowly, and feeling like I was never enough. I felt like I could never get ahead. I felt alone, and I didn't know what to do. I felt like the world looked me as an unsuccessful 18/19 year old. Would I ever be more than what I am now... But what i've learned so far in my first semester of college (Wright State University, go Raiders! lol i'm lame) is that life doesnt have to go as previously planned to still be worthy of love and acceptance. I've learned that college isn't for everyone. I've learned even more so that people come from all walks of life, and just because that life doesn't fit society's timeline or outline, doesn't mean they aren't people who are worthy of praise. Getting out of bed can be a miracle for some people, and I give you a golden sticker for doing that today if you did. I heard a quote a couple months back that said, "nothing will ruin your twenties more than thinking you should have your life together already." And that is SO true. MY life is a serious mess, but i'm getting through it day by day. I have recently realized that I don't know exactly what I want to go to school for. I don't have a car anymore and that puts a huge dent in my work schedule and financial situation. And I might be moving back home and going to my local community college. And even though some of these things aren't what I planned for my life, I am okay and I am still wrapped in the arms of my Father. I also recognize that if I had spent more time praying about these things and listening to God's truth instead of the worlds, I would have been a lot less stressed. But i'm starting fresh, and i'm moving forward. Life doesn't have to go as previously planned to be successful. Remember that, my friends.
I want to say a HUGE thank you for the people who have been by my side while on this journey so far. I want to say thank you to my mother for supporting me no matter what my life looks like, and letting my cry when it all seems to be too much. And to Ashley because she helps me see that as long as I am happy and doing what's best for me, that it's all going to be alright. She has spent some time in prayer over me, and has blessed me more than she knows. And to all of the people who have guided me, gave me a positive word, and loved me thus far. You have all contributed to a more positive and faithful Bri. I can honestly say that I am thankful for these unexpected events because i'm learning a lot from them. If you've stuck around to read my ramblings, thank you and have a wonderful day.
