I heard
that during a sermon at my church earlier this year (shout out to Soma!!)
During the sermon, Pastor Dave talked about how the most evident thing of God’s
grace is repentance. He said that we as humans often view it as the opposite: Weakness,
non-growth with Jesus, etc. It’s so true, at least for me it is. Or was. If you’re
asking for forgiveness, you've clearly done something wrong. Your relationship
with Jesus MUST be strained, right? Or so I thought.....
He goes on to say that on earth, repentance
seems like something we stray from, and from the people who are doing it. But
in Heaven, it’s gaining ground. That
repentance is the act of coming back to God. At this point, my mind is just
completely blown. I've never viewed asking God for forgiveness like this. I
always thought that it made me weak, that it was just another time that I've
messed up and have to let God down, AGAIN.
Needless to say, this sermon up and changed a huge part of my relationship with
Jesus. It made me realize that while I am a sinner, I have a God who is at arm’s
reach and who is willing to have me back the moment I ask for Him. That asking
for forgiveness, in fact, gets me to Him. If my heart’s desire is to be near
Him, then repentance is how I do it. Dave said something along the lines of, “because
the question is not, ‘do I need repentance?’ It is, ‘Do I see it? Do I see my
sin?’” EVERYONE needs repentance, and I am glad that I am qualified in that
category. Not that I am glad that I sin, but that I don’t have to feel like a
bad Christian for needing God’s grace. I’m glad that I am included in EVERYBODY
instead of feeling alone in my sin. I no longer have to feel a negative stigma
when I am talking to God about my brokenness, something all of us humans suffer
with. I am not weak, I am trying.
These last 6 months of my life have
been some tough ones. I've been experiencing a whole whirlwind of ups and
downs, and I can’t say that I’ve looked to God in a lot of it. I can say that
not looking to God has caused me even more hurt and sin, and I've been trying
to clean myself up before I let Him in again. But my bestfriend Ashley just
recently reminded me that I don’t have to be clean to come to God, He is the
one who does that. He makes me new. He takes my filthy rags and washes them
white as snow. I went back to viewing forgiveness as something only “weak Christians”
do and thinking that my community would judge me if I just up and put my sin
out there for the world to see. But then I went back, reread my notes from this
sermon, and it hit me like a ton of bricks again. While I can’t say that I am
happy about my recent decisions, I can say that my heart if overwhelmed with
relief that I don’t have to be. I am once again amazed and in awe of my God who
is still here. Still quietly whispering to me that I am still His. Repentance
is a beautiful thing, my friends. And I am glad to be reminded of it.
