The last 8 months or so of my life have been some of the hardest ones yet. I started college and just as soon, had to leave (there's this thing where you have to pay for it and that sucks, haha) But don't fret, I plan to return. During that time, I realized that college is the real deal and you don't get to slack off like in high school. School has never been my forte, so this was a whole new world for me. Lots and lots of homework, studying, and naps (well the nap part wasn't exactly new) I had also left an organization that had pretty much been my life since 8th grade. Young Life is a huge part of me and why I am who I am today. I quit my short time of leading to go to school and had thought about trying it out at college, but always found an excuse about why I couldn't go. I think I just secretly didn't want to participate in it unless it could be with my hometown. While I deeply miss it and all it comes with, I can look back at my time away as a time of growth and knowing Jesus outside of Young Life. For that, I am so very thankful.
...But back to the whole college thing. While there. I began to struggle a lot with getting into the partying scene and all that comes with it. I had friendships, but not deep ones that actually cared about what was going on. Not ones that reminded me of who I am, what I believe in, and questioned me about why I was choosing to participate in activities that I knew weren't life giving. Temptation on a college campus is a real thing, my friends. I commend all those who don't sucumb to it, but relate and care for those of us who give in and get lost for awhile. Sure, drinking can be amusing sometimes. Dressing cute, dancing with your friends, and funny stories. But Satan comes to us disguised as everything we've ever wanted. For me, it was about the attention I would get with my physical appearance, how everyone loved how I could dance, and my sense of humor never hurt either. But compliments from young drunk boys and girls saying you're the life of the party only last so long until you realize that those words are empty and eventually so are you. This kind of life style is not life giving and most definitely isn't fulfilling. I had to realize that the hard way. There's many more grueling details and minor things I was dealing with, but will spare you of them because this post is getting too long.
But I can't say I would take any of it back because I learned so much from those 6 months away from home, and continue to learn since returning home. Me and Jesus are the most real we've ever been with each other. I've been trying to honestly seeking Him, and like always, He shows up. Though there are very very tough things going on in my life right now, and being in a constant state of falling on my knees is the hardest thing i've ever gone through, it's also the most rewarding because Jesus never leaves. I'm resting in His grace and mercy everyday. His constant love. God is so so good, my friends. This post is random, but I just wanted to share with my small world of people about my life and what it looks like currently.
"Even when the rain falls,
Even when the flood starts rising,
Even when the storm comes...
I am washed by the water" -NeedToBreathe
Even when the flood starts rising,
Even when the storm comes...
I am washed by the water" -NeedToBreathe
